Friday, December 30, 2011

funny quotes







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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.  ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.  ~Larry Lorenzoni
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience.  ~Author Unknown
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!  ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.  ~Gloria Naylor

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    There is still no cure for the common birthday.  ~John Glenn
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    Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!  ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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    Never raise your hand to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.  ~Red Buttons
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    There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.  ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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    Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!  ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836


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    Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown.  ~Author Unknown
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    Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.  Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.  ~Tom Wilson
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    Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year:  The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again.  ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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    Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  ~Chili Davis
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    It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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    A father is always making his baby into a little woman.  And when she is a woman he turns her back again.  ~Enid Bagnold
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    We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march.  ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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    The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.  ~Lucille Ball
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    First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.  ~Branch Rickey
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    Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.  ~Jennifer Yane
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    Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.  ~Dinah Craik
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    Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.  ~Jennifer Yane
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    Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.  ~Larry Lorenzoni
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    I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.  ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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    The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.  ~Jerry M. Wright


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    Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.  ~Jean Paul Richter
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    Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name.  ~William Wordsworth
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    Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.  ~Don Marquis
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    In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups.  In old age, we yearn to be kids.  It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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    Never raise your hand to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.  ~Red Buttons


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