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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
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