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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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